Phoenix

The last time news was told to me, it reconfigured my life. Today I was told again something that will bring change. This afternoon I went to the cinema. I saw a beautiful film about a pair of French lovers during the revolution they say happened there a long time ago. The only part that I didn't like was that the girl was beheaded in the end. That is not how a love story should end. When I returned from the cinema, Thomas had a telegram. At first he didn't want to read it, since he thought it was work related, but later he took it off the desk and glanced over it. I asked him if he had to go north to report, but instead he said "no". He read me the telegram and it fillled me with excitement. His wife has agreed to divorce him, so I can become the new "Mrs. Fowlair". I am so happy that I will someday go West, and now become an English woman. Strangely, he asked me if I miss Alden. I hardly ever think of Alden now. Thomas sometimes asks silly questions. I ran off to tell my sister the news, she will be proud to have a Western relation. My name means Phoenix, and like my name, something new is arising from the ashes of death. Alden has died, but out of that my new life with Thomas is being born.

Alden is dead

About an hour ago my life completely changed. When we got back from talking with the French inspector, Fowler told me that Alden had been killed. I was surprised by this news. I had to think for a while, because now much of my waiting is over. I no longer have to wait for Alden to come home. I don't have to wait for him to marry me. I don't have to wait to go to America and begin a family. Now I won't ever be going to America. I think I will stay here with Fowler like I used to. I know this life, and at least it's closer to the West than living with my sister. I enjoy life here, buying scarves, going to the cinema, preparing Thomas's pipes at night. Alden never smoked, so I havn't made a pipe in a long time...

The French Inspector

A French policeman came and took Thomas and me to the French police station. Law enforcement here is complicated since there are local Vietnames authorities as well as those, like the man who came to collect us, working for the French. At the station we were brought to an inspector named "Vigot." At first he asked me in French how long I had lived with Alden. I was surprised by his abrupt tone, and the personal nature of his question. He then spoke in English with Thomas and asked him many things. I did not understand most of what they said... I sat there, waiting for Alden. Sitting there while the men talked I was filled with confusion, but simply relaxing and waiting calmed me, and let me release everything built up in my thoughts. I am thinking about Alden, and the future he promised me in America.

Where is Alden?

Tonight something seems different, somehow wrong. Alden hasn't come home and it's already after midnight. I went to wait outside Thomas's apartment, to see if Alden was with him, but he never came. I saw Thomas by his window, and he seemed to be waiting too. Everyone is waiting for something to happen... even those who don't know of Alden. My countrymen are all silently anxious, waiting for the next bomb, the next change in the way the French control us. Waiting has almost become a normal part of life. We have waited for so many things, expectantly clinging to the hope of change, that when things finally happen they no longer shock us. Even disasters and tragedies lose their sting after waiting. Eventually Thomas came down to the street and saw me. He told me to come inside so the police don't pick me up. I've walked up the stairs to Thomas's apartment so many times that it almost felt like coming home. It isn't home for me though, I am waiting for Alden. Life in America will be home for me. Thomas seems worried for Alden. I tried to reassure him as I made him an opium pipe, but there was an odd look in his face that I do not know the meaning of. He looked at me and asked me if Alden was still "in love" with me. I have heard this English phrase before, but it confuses me. That is the emotion overwhelming me right now; I am filled with confusion so I keep silent, simply waiting for the clarity to come.